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Once again sixteen players will vie for the illustrious and elusive Turtle.


Proving that redemption is for everyone, Monty "Monsignor" Walton has enrolled in divinity school and will not participate this year.   Tracy Thompson will step off the milk carton to take Monty's place and team up with Jon "Hairball" Lawler.  Mark "Cueball" Kimmet will take Monty's old spot with Randy "Cool Breeze" Gibson. 

Michael "The Hoser" Moser is unable to go due to a pinched nerve in his neck.  The Hoser's partner, Greg "The Loguemeister" Logue, tried to trade Norm Templeton a high draft pick for Templeton's partner, Dan "The Man" Moore, but  Moore couldn't clear waivers.  Instead, Logue was able to draft Andy "Leaf" Neely, a mild-mannered but tenacious player who hopes to chop his way to the Turtle.

Also absent is Greg "Stone Cold" Goddard, former Turtle Slam champion.  Unable to participate due to rotator cuff surgery, Goddard's place  as Toby "Hoss Cartwright" Hyke's partner will be assumed by Michael Wood's brother-in-law, Rob Shelor.   The notoriously camera-shy Shelor has not been photographed in twenty years, and is rumored to be the most interesting man in the world. 

The legend of Danny "Depot Stove" Pressley continues to grow in the telling.  Returning as defending Turtle Slam Champion, Pressley will be salivating for a repeat and all the endorsement deals that go with it.  He'll team with his usual partner, Dennis "Wilford Brimley" McClane, whose desire for the Turtle is unparalleled.  

Back for his second trip is Nathan "The Assassin" Nash, who will once again team up with Wood.    Nash caught Turtle fever last year and will be hot on the reptile's tail again this year. 

Rounding out the field are Richard "The Envy" Matlock and his partner, Mike "Big Boy, Jr." King.  King and Matlock have both tasted Turtle paydirt, so they definitely are players to be reckoned with.  

Click on a player below to view his profile through 2011.


Randy "Cool Breeze"

Toby "Hoss Cartwright"

Mark "Cueball"

Mike "Big Boy, Jr."

Jon "Hairball"

Greg "Loguemeister"

Richard "The Envy"

Dennis "Wilford"

Dan "The Man"

Andy "Leaf"

Nathan "The Assassin"

Danny "Depot Stove"

Rob "No Paparazzi"

Norman "The Total Package"

Tracy "Tiger"

Michael "The Chairman"

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This page was last updated 04/24/16.
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