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The Official Website of
The Southern Pines Invitational
and The Turtle.





Sunday, April 24, 2016. 12:33 PM EDT.

By Chuck Dumbass, Publisher and Norman “The Total Package” Templeton, Staff Writer.

SOUTHERN PINES, North Carolina (DOD) –

Years after saying that good players can’t win the Turtle, Norm “The Total Package” Templeton disproved his own theory today in the Southern Pines Invitational.  Firing a stellar final round of 32 points on the tough Mid Pines layout, Templeton won his first Southern Pines Invitational Championship.  With the win, The Package lays claim to the most coveted (to all but him) prize in sport, the Terrapin Travelin’ Trophy, often referred to in hushed tones as simply “The Turtle.”  Templeton’s final score of plus 12 on the week was enough to hold off a resurgent Richard “The Envy” Matlock by 3 points.  Ironically, in most years. . . .  [Read more in the 2016 Dimpled Orb Digest.]

Welcome to the Golf Trip.

2016 looks to be a year of further transitions with the retirement of three Golf Trip stalwarts and another generational addition.

Last year’s 25th Anniversary champion, Mark “Q-ball” Kimmet, decided that three Turtles in four years are enough for any man. After suggesting the Turtle be nicknamed “Q, Jr.,” Kimmet magnanimously hung up the clubs to give others a chance at Turtle glory. Fortunately Michael “The Chairman” Wood regained possession of the fabled reptile, alleviating fears the golf icon would return to obscurity. We are hopeful the Chairman deigns to return the Turtle to competition this year.

With the retirement of Q-ball, his partner, Randy “Cool Breeze” Gibson, opted for retirement as well, choosing to chase grandchildren over dimpled orbs.

Evidently old age and general infirmities caught up with Dennis “Wilford Brimley” McClane, who chose the big oatmeal bowl over the Turtle.

With the departures of these regulars, the search began for replacements. Danny “Depot Stove” Pressley did not have to look far to replace his partner. Sam “Stovepipe” Pressley will replace Brimley in his first competitive appearance in the Southern Pines Invitational. As a noncompeting marker in 2012, Stovepipe carded a breezy 72 on Mid Pines without pulling a driver. Thus coming in with a record initial quota of 36, Stovepipe is favored to claim the Templeton Cup. With a few birdies, he may also challenge for the Turtle Slam.

For a while it looked as though no replacements for Q-Ball and Cool Breeze would be found.  But after a nationwide search, Jonathan "Mayhem" Greer was named to  the roster.  Mayhem teams up with Carlton "The Senator" Logue.  The Senator returns after teaming with his dad, Greg "The Loguemeister" Logue,  last year.

Also back this year is Michael “The Hoser” Moser after a one-year hiatus. Newly single, the Hoser will try to reclaim the form that brought him a close second-place finish in his last appearance. He once again will be paired with The Loguemeister, who eschewed his offspring in favor of his traditional partner. The rest of the field remains as it was in 2015. The updated profiles are available here.

As always, the links to essential information are available here: Initial Quotas Chart; Tournament Invitation; Tournament Rules; Calcutta Invitation; Calcutta Rules; Room Assignments; and Tee Times and Pairings.

Good Luck. Remember brevity is the soul of wit. We should be in for an interesting week.

--C. D.-- 4/8/2016

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¹Special thanks to Joe Hudson at HuskerMax for the Countdown Clock.
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This page was last updated 04/11/18.
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